you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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