dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
