Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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