guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You made out with two different species that night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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