I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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