Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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