Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at about main and main street
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
