So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
