I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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