we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
