i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
