I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
