It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
