Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
