from now on my penis is your penis
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
