Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
