Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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