I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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