Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
