how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
