i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
