guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
