take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
