Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
