He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
