and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
