did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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