the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
