theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
