i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
