So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
