Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
