I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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