So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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