I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
