Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
