So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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