Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
