This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
