I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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