mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Small penises have feelings too.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We are two peas in an std pod
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
