y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
