So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
