@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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