your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
