White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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