I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is my gift to your gina
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
