nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
