remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
