My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
