A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Randomize
