ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
